What does this mean?

I thought I was over it, but then... :-/

At least we're okay now, though. Cheers!

December 24, 2011 2:18 AM

I should be sleeping by now but I'm still waiting for someone to tweet...

Been Thinking About You (two)

(two)? Why? Because, I've been thinking about two entities. Ha ha.

Person # 1
I don't know if I should talk to you already. Actually, I've been ready to, tho. But there are times when I think about the (our) past, the anger and pain comes back. You know what really happened. You know it was all your fault why we ended up like this. It just sucks that you've already told other people YOUR side which makes me the villain. I'm not saying that you're the villain in here, it's just that for me, everything became so unfair. Now they think I'm this asshole who put your name in her blog and said awful things about you. Question is, did you (they) even read the WHOLE thing? Clearly, no. You don't know my side, they don't either. So stop judging.

But... Yes, I do miss you. As a friend. Soooo I don't know what to do. Meh. Maybe I'll just go with the flow.

Person # 2
Hi, you're special. I like you.

Yes, ma'am

You pretty much screwed everything up. I will never forgive you and things between us will never be the same ever again. Not even close. 

Post Title

Okay, so, how am I going to start?

Breathe in, breathe out. Okay? Cool.

So, it's really funny how people think that they know everything. That they tell, show, and brag to others that they have gone through a whole lot. And so, they think that they are already smart enough (or cool enough) to "know everything". Don't get me wrong, though. There's really nothing wrong with it. Sure, share what you think. Share what you know. Share what you have. But as the saying goes, too much of everything ain't cool. Lol.

I'll give you a warning, alright? Just don't brag what you have and know. Why? Because in time, you might (or will) get surprised that someone who has been really quiet might end up over shining you.

So, I'll just sit here and watch you do your thing... and mind you, that won't last long. I'm just absorbing and analyzing everything that has been happening around.

Recycled lines

Oh hey, I remember you telling those things to me, too.

I Want You

Disclaimer: Cheesiness at its peak. Wrote this almost 3 weeks ago

I want to tell you already how much I like you, but I value our friendship so much that the thought of it makes me scared as hell. But boy is it hard keeping what I feel inside and bottling it all up, you know? It's like a tug of war. One side's telling me to confess to you already so I won't be having a hard time anymore and we might be "something else". Something greater, something we're both wanting to have. You know what I mean. And, the other's telling me to keep it to myself because: 1) I might break our friendship 2) You might think I', taking advantage of our friendship, of the times we're together. (But trust me, I'm not. I just want to be with you cause it makes me a happy bee) 3) That you'll get annoyed 4) That you'll never talk to me ever again 5) The things between us will never be the same.

But you know what bugs me even more? That what if we can have both. Friendship and... you know what it is. Ahhhh, this is making me crazy!

I don't know, tho. You might end up knowing all about this with this note. I don't know how, but I hope you do so that it would be a lot easier for me... in a way, maybe. 

I like you. I have been liking you since senior year. Legit 2 years. Call me a player or whatever, but damn, who wouldn't like you, really? Yeah, you have so many issues but I really don't care. I mean, I do care but it doesn't matter. I just don't get it why you're insecure about yourself, you know. You're legit beautiful and amazing. 

And by the way, when you're feeling sad, I feel sad too. Just saying. 

I LIKE YOU BUT I LEGIT DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS. It's really hard when you like your friend. And when she's straight? Hardest.

Oh well. That's about it.

FIN...

P.S. Will I still have the guts to give you your favorite chewy candies later? Will I even see you? Will I even get to talk to you? Or will you even go to school? Gah, so many questions for you but I am too scared of what your answers might be.

P.P.S Hope you're sleeping already. >:D< Sweet dreams, *insertnamehere*. :) I lo... K, not gonna type that.

P.P.P.S You know what? You don't have to try to be drop dead gorgeous. Even if you're in your PJ's, I still find you rather beautiful. Flawlessly beautiful. Trust me.

P.P.P.P.S You're different from all of them and I do find you special. Hope you can feel it, though, *insertnamehere*. I really, really, really like you. 

Worst kind of pain?

Let's face it, everyday is a fucking pain in the ass. You wanna know why? Uncertainties. Of things, time, people, and the like. It is a pain in the ass because you always have to fucking guess what will happen next. You always have to weigh both sides of a situation, and, when you've already chosen what to do, when you've already made up your mind, you are still not so sure if it will come out to be great -- to be okay, at the least. "I'm already sure of what I'm going to do with my life," "I know what to eat for lunch," "I'll be there at 10 am, pronto" but you know, at the back of your mind, there will always be that doubt, that voice, that feeling of holding back, "What if this wouldn't work out?" "Ohh, Sushi sounds so much better than Burritos" "Wait, I think I have to do something before 10 am!" You get what I mean?

And, I know for sure (this is the only thing I know that's constant in life, really. Next to "changes") that the answers of all these uncertainties, is the ability of a person to take risks. Yeah, we wouldn't know what will happen next. We do not have any fucking idea, do we? Yet, when we take risks, we would know. Sometimes though, it'll turn out to be a shipwreck of decisions and choices but hey, at least we tried.

Unfortunately, taking risks isn't still my forte. I still play safe in everything. And that is why everyday is a fucking pain in the ass for me.

Troubled

I should be somewhere else, you know. I'm just too scared to take the risk. Someone teach me how to take risks.

Hi, Daddy.

You're currently eating peanuts, half-empty glass of coke on the side, asked me to attend to my little niece. As you chew on those peanuts, you're watching Willie Revillame on Will something. Now you're taking a sip on your almost-done glass of coke, and you just coughed, coughed, and coughed some more. Took a breath, got some peanuts, and threw them all in your mouth. And I wonder how you can chew them all since you're not wearing your postiso as of the moment. This little lady bug just asked me, "Tita Abbie, you want to eat na?" and you murmured, "Mhmm". You just asked Ate Cita, "Ano 'to (pertaining to the peanuts), may bawang?". You grabbed some more peanuts leaving its container almost empty, you coughed a little, coughed some more, coughed even more. Oh boy does it hurt me whenever I hear you coughing to death. While this little bug, wearing her Shrek headband, gets a suka/toyomansi for her rice, you asked me, "Look at this small girl," and stared at her, told her, "Oh, tama na." And as I typed, I paused to look at you, then you looked at me and said, while this little bug gets her ice to put in her glass of water, "Look how she can do it alone." Now you closed the container of peanuts, this little bug turned the table and said, "Tissue" and you responded with an alienated word that only God knows. Now, you just took a sip of that coke, reached for the tissue, wiped your mouth, placed the tissue under the place mat, and started to lay your eyes on the television. Gets the glass of coke, took a sip, mumug-ed it, and took the last sip and laid it down. Got some ice, put it in your glass, and added water. Grabbed a toothpick, cleaned your teeth from all the peanuts you ate. Ate Cita passed by and you said, "Ang sarap ng kain, oh" looking at this little bug who's almost finish with her food. Turned your plate upside down, grabbed your utensils, and you seem like you're getting ready to eat the main course, dinner. "What are you eating? No more food?" while getting rice. "Very good, very good," and this lady bug starts to get down on the chair, puts on her slippers, goes to Ate Cita, "I'm done, I'm done" Daddy, you look really sad, and it makes me sad too. God knows how sad I am whenever you are. You just added some vegetables on your rice, mashed the squash together with the rice, and ate some. "Di na daw po kakain si Doctora," Ate Cita said, "Huh?" dad said. Got some pork chop, sliced the fat off. "Ano ginagawa mo baby?"

Daddy, I know you're sick. Daddy, now that you're still in front of me, I'm already missing you. Daddy, I pray to God that He may give us some time to talk, to get to know each other even more. Daddy, I really love you. And, hopefully, before you leave us and reunite with Him, He will give us time together.

As I finish this blog, the contestant on the show sings I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith. 

I love you, Daddy. I love you, Papa. I love you, my hero.

Always,

Your (not so) Forever Little Girl.

***Didn't proofread. Obviously.

A Month of Misery

So, I've got my laptop fixed after 30 days, at least. Thanks to the help of my brothers, I am back. Wow, so much has changed in a month. This new interface sucks, tho, so is my life.

I'm not really in the mood for writing, actually.
I'm sleepy.
Random.